songofages:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I’ve never had a burrito but at least now I know how to eat one.

OMG I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING THIS IS HILARIOUS 
P.S. - I’ve never eaten a burrito before, too.

songofages:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I’ve never had a burrito but at least now I know how to eat one.

OMG I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING THIS IS HILARIOUS 

P.S. - I’ve never eaten a burrito before, too.

reblogged 1 day ago @ 22 Apr 2014 with 46,181 notes via/source
xOMG xthis is so funny xi can't stop laughing xlol xomg x*dies* xburrito
funfrom4chan:

To Infinity

funfrom4chan:

To Infinity

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 757,951 notes via/source
xcat xmiao xkitty xgif
funfrom4chan:

and beyond

funfrom4chan:

and beyond

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 582,515 notes via/source
xcat xmiao xkitty xgif
inmood08:

Masao Yamamoto

inmood08:

Masao Yamamoto

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 341 notes via/source
xpretty xblack and white xmasao yamamoto

revealtheotherside:

The prettiest flower are found at the most unexpected places.

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 212,291 notes via/source
xflowers xpretty xomg
corporationsarepeople:

veganbutt:

sascoalition:

Obama will never be half the man nor love America as much as Reagan did.

Obama will never eat as many flags throughout his presidency like Reagan did. Reagan holds the current flag-eating record at 3,463 flags during his presidency. Obama is currently only at 1,072.Here we see pictured: Reagan in action during one of his flag feedings. This is speculated to be approximately his 560th flag consumed.

Dude’s wiping his mouth on a flag. Look at Nancy, telling him not to do it. “Come on Ronnie, you have a pocket square. I have kleenex in my purse you could use. You don’t need to do that.”

corporationsarepeople:

veganbutt:

sascoalition:

Obama will never be half the man nor love America as much as Reagan did.

Obama will never eat as many flags throughout his presidency like Reagan did. Reagan holds the current flag-eating record at 3,463 flags during his presidency. Obama is currently only at 1,072.
Here we see pictured: Reagan in action during one of his flag feedings. This is speculated to be approximately his 560th flag consumed.

Dude’s wiping his mouth on a flag. Look at Nancy, telling him not to do it. “Come on Ronnie, you have a pocket square. I have kleenex in my purse you could use. You don’t need to do that.”

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 96,599 notes via/source
xlol xobama xronald reagan xnancy reagan xflag eating xflag xtext post
reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 16,940 notes via/source
xpro-choice xjoycelyn elders xfetus xchildren

hugevoid:

I frequently see girls, and even grown women, disassociating themselves from feminism because they believe it “victimizes” them.

I read an article in the New York Times about how male-dominated the computer science industry is, and it discussed how different women in the field think there are different ways to resolve this issue. One woman said that not discussing it at all would be the best solution, because if girls read about how hostile the industry is towards women they’ll be discouraged from pursuing it.

This logic is so incredibly absurd that I’m amazed grown, college-educated women could come to such conclusions. Discussing oppression does not cause oppression. Discussing oppression does not perpetuate oppression. There is absolutely no oppressive regime in history that came to an end by not talking about it. And it makes me very sad that some women cannot see the system that is actually victimizing them in every facet of their lives.

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 120 notes via/source
xgirls xwomen xvictimization xfeminism xoppression

scaredfem:

liberal feminism is so infuriating because it places literally everyone above FAAB people which is actually the exact opposite of what feminism is

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 35 notes via/source
xfeminism xliberal feminism xradical feminism xfaab xwomen
smartgirlsattheparty:

humansofnewyork:

"What’s your favorite thing about her?""Her intelligence.""What’s a time that she really impressed you with her intelligence?""Every single day. She’s the CFO of my company."

Yes.

smartgirlsattheparty:

humansofnewyork:

"What’s your favorite thing about her?"
"Her intelligence."
"What’s a time that she really impressed you with her intelligence?"
"Every single day. She’s the CFO of my company."

Yes.

reblogged 1 day ago @ 21 Apr 2014 with 5,661 notes via/source
xfeminism xintelligence xyes